Judy K. Herman urges better listening on World Mental Health Day

On World Mental Health Day, Chattanooga psychotherapist Judy K. Herman is highlighting the gap between being heard and feeling understood. She says that gap shows up in everyday relationships, workplaces and communities — and can be narrowed with more curiosity, validation and less impulse to fix.

Why it matters: - Herman is tying World Mental Health Day messaging to everyday relationships, arguing that feeling understood can be as important as being heard. - The message matters for families, workplaces and communities where conversations often stall because people move too quickly to advice, defense or problem-solving. - The WHO’s 2026 theme, “Lived experiences heard: real voices, real change,” underscores the value of people with lived mental health experience being included in decisions about their care.

What happened: - Chattanooga psychotherapist, author and relationship wellness speaker Judy K. Herman marked World Mental Health Day with guidance on how people can create more meaningful connection. - Herman said being heard is not always the same as feeling understood. - Herman launched a keynote titled “Conflict Isn’t the Enemy,” which focuses on navigating disagreement without losing connection.

The details: - Herman said people often miss what another person is trying to communicate because they are preparing a response, offering advice or defending their intentions. - Herman drew on more than two decades of clinical experience working with individuals and couples. - Herman offered three practical ways to improve connection. - First, replace judgment with productive curiosity. - A question such as “Can you help me understand what that was like for you?” can reduce defensiveness and open a better conversation. - Second, listen without immediately trying to fix the problem. - Moving too fast into solutions can signal that another person’s feelings are something to solve. - Sometimes the strongest response is simply to stay present and acknowledge the experience. - Third, validate the experience without requiring agreement. - A phrase such as “I can see why that would matter to you” can show respect while allowing room for different views. - Herman said meaningful listening also requires recognizing when people need more than acknowledgment. - Herman said compassionate listening does not mean taking responsibility for fixing someone else’s life. - Herman said her broader message is that emotional safety helps people handle disagreement without turning differences into barriers.

Between the lines: - Herman is reframing mental health awareness as a relationship skill, not only a clinical issue. - The message is also a warning against a common reflex in conflict: trying to win, explain or solve before understanding. - Her framing suggests that validation can lower tension even when people do not agree.

What’s next: - Herman wants individuals, families, workplaces and communities to use everyday conversations as chances for greater understanding. - Herman plans to continue sharing the message through keynotes, workshops, retreats and continuing education programs. - Herman’s work also includes her books Beyond Messy Relationships and Relationships With Purpose, plus the Better Relationships, Better Life podcast.

The bottom line: - Herman’s core point is simple: connection improves when people listen to understand, not just to respond.